I ask you to know you are in the bigger picture and on the most beautiful path.
Please, feel the awesome that is coming and be thankful now for the journey that has gotten you here, there, everywhere.
Be patient. Be open. Be honest.
With yourself. Always with others.
And for the love of flannel, smile and laugh more, eat bacon and rock today!
The bigger picture. The right path.
As you may recall, I rocked out Adventure: Locks of Love in March of this year. I went for the full chop of over 10+ inches and embarked on life with a pixie cut. As channel David Bowie and sing Ch-ch-changes in my head, it has been fun to rock super short and a bit edge-y hair.With that being said, I have had some radical battles with the good ol’ ego. Most commonly in instances when people have mistaken me for a dude. I know, no big deal. But some times, when your head is down and you decided to rock a T-shirt and jeans that day and the waiter walks up to the table and says, “Hello sir, what can I get you ….errr … today? Shit sorry…” or the girl at the bar that saw me standing in front of my boyfriend and dancing a bit with his arms around me and I overhear her tap on his shoulder and say, “O M G, I am so proud of you guys! Way to go. My brother is gay and I just think it is awesome”, as he tries to shut her up before I hear her visual fail.
It happens.
And usually, it is totally fine. I laugh it off and reach for my lip gloss.
But, what about when you are just a little too tired? Or, what about when you already had a hard enough time getting the hair in the back to stay down so you don’t look like a character out of Little Rascals? Or, when it happens twice in one day?
I step into this space questioning my choice to cut my hair, my choice of the more so androgynous outfit that day or check out my facial features and wonder if I really do look like a boy? I know, silly space to walk into. Definitely a wrong turn but the ego starts driving faster and faster and I just spiral down.
Been there before?
What do we do here? What do you do to bring yourself back to reality? How do we realize it is a simple mistake and nothing personal?
Nothing personal, unless you want it to be. Unless you want to stare in front of that mirror for a minute too long or throw on that extra layer of lip gloss shimmer…
Here it is: Words are powerful, my friends. However, I would like to take this moment to remind you, that YOU, yes you, have the power. You give the words power and you take it away. Oh yes, all you.
I can choose to hear the ‘sir’ as a simple mistake. I can choose to know that I don’t look like a boy and that some times, I feel like a rock star with my short hair. Fine, more often than not, I feel like a rock star. And, I can choose to say to myself “hey you, get over your vain self”, and laugh it off and be a freakin’ powerhouse – own the words!
Make the choice. It is all you. All you.
Beautiful choices.
Sir?
I have listened to Alexi Murdoch’s “Orange Sky” song probably over 437 times since I first heard his mellow jams in 2009. Different stages of my life chapters have allowed for this particular song to have different meanings:
I remember playing this song on repeat out of my stereo in bed with my boyfriend (long distance at the time) when he would come to visit me from Chicago to LA. It was a love song for love.
I remember crying in yoga class when the song played, feeling deeply moved on the mat for a reason unknown. It was a love song for the love of myself.
And, I always love when he speaks about the sister standing by – because I have sisters and they stand by. A love song for family love.
My absolute favorite part of the song is when it picks up at about the 4:13 marker and he sings:
Here is what I know now, Brother
Here is what I know now, Sister, goes like this:
In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
my salvation lies In your love,
in your love,
in your love
your love, now.
Going deep, hang tight with me, people. Because in this life chapter right now, the love song is to you.
Listening to the song this evening, I feel a jolt and connect and re-align to my deeply rooted life purpose. I realize that my salvation, my favorite and most self-expressed experiences, my ability to do less and be more, the light-my-amazing-life-on-fire-feel-so-alive moments, are in the conversations with you… with you creating a life you love. When you, yes you, love yourself. When you connect and align to the most real and truest heart space. When you dare to step outside of your comfort zone and make a choice to reach way out, rock hard and set your amazing life on fire. And, when you love yourself enough to create something radical and realize that when you do, you are of most service to the World.
I see you.
You inspire me.
And, I boldly wanted to let you know, that in your love, my salvation lies in your love. In your love. In your love. Now.
So, carry on and create a life you love.
I had this grand plan for today, a real To-Do List complete with items like: Build a budget for May. Build up a business plan for my radical future. CrossFit workout with the boyfriend followed by Yoga in the morning. Take the Vespa to the mechanic for a check up. Sign up for my final driving course for the M1 liscense, ….
The list continued on and on.
So, what really happened today was:
I woke up with a mild headache due to my love/hate relationship with red wine. Oh, and cramps. Thus, I nixed the morning plan of CrossFit + yoga.
Such a sunny day today, I walked with the boyfriend and dog to grab coffees and get his haircut. So dapper he is now.
I experienced a minor breakdown in life which ended up in conversations of fear, asking for help and tears on said boyfriend’s big shoulder. Life is beautiful that way.
We aired the tires of my bike and cruised down to the beach.
New fun one piece swimsuit for me, new boardshorts for boyfriend. Happened.
Grabbed lunch at an outdoor patio and sipped Ciders + Beers overlooking the beach. #westcoastisthebestcoast
Laid in the sand. Kissed in the sand. Took silly pictures together in the sand.
Purchased a piece of art, a glass mosaic of a peace sign with the image of the Dalai Lama in the center. Be inspired by art.
Traipsed sand into the house. Add to another to do list: Swiffer.
Took Bear to the pet store and gave him a bath. He looks and smells amazing.
More red wine.
So today, I threw away the to-do list and realized that some days are not meant for the logistics of life.
Some days are just meant for sunshine, sand, bike rides, breakdowns, breakthroughs and the ability to go with the flow and love the one you’re with.
Be open. Always.
This week, I completed day 30 of a self committed 30 Day Yoga Challenge.
As I reflect, this is what I see:
1) I think I cracked my sternum bone. The sternum is the flattened bone located in the center of your chest right in front of your heart. I woke up almost every day of my challenge, with that center bone feeling sore, stretched and stimulated – as if my heart was knocking on the back door. A subtle yet obvious reminder to keep my heart open on the regular.
2) I went in to the challenge with expectations. I thought to myself, I will rock out Bird of Paradise and an amazing handstand by the end of this challenge. Well, I cannot. On about day 4, my left hip locked up and the Universe requested that I slow my sh*t down. Beautiful life lessons were available and open, once the expectations of performance were dropped. Write this down: expectations wreck possibility.
3) With the slower theme, I found myself trying new styles of yoga. I ventured to yin classes, I practiced at home with my yoga mat, a candle and my dog via www.yogavibes.com and I joined a meditation class at a local studio. I met new and amazing teachers, people and I explored my body in different styles. An adventure of yoga, really. I expanded in new ways. Remind yourself to venture into the unknown some times. I sent a card once that read “Life Starts at the End of Your Comfort Zone” – and let me tell you, there was some uncomfortable in that Meditation class. Ram, ram, ram, ram….
4) I now feel a deeper connection with my teachers. To rock my accountability, I committed to certain classes and teachers through the weeks and my cracked open heart gives thanks to the beautiful sequencing, the unreal wisdom and the welcoming love of Mia Togo, Mary Beth Larue, Kyra Anastasia and Hala Khouri. It was a beautiful reminder that every student has a teacher, and every teacher has their students.
5) I practiced yoga for me. When I was on the mat, I was in my body. I was alive. Stop looking around, go inside and feel you.
6) My Savasanahs throughout the 30 days were UNREAL. I literally transported to a different space where time melts and for a moment, there is silence in my mind. Most of my teachers allow for a longer savasanah and it truly allows for the release, the let go and the movement of the practice to settle in. For 30 days I took 5 minutes a day to do nothing, lay flat and breathe, that is beautiful.
7) I love the commitment. 30 days of yoga in a row is a big commitment. Where will I find the time? How will I fit it all in? But when you truly decide to commit, you don’t miss a beat and you begin to feel the subtle beauty of commitment and achievement. You begin to consider: how, perhaps could this be possible in other areas of my life? Explore your commitments and be true to yourself.
8) Accountability works. I completed the challenge with my best friend who lives in Indiana. We had specific rules to follow and we would check in with one another often. I could not miss a class when I knew she has already gone to her class that morning. Find a friend and commit together.
9) Yoga is a beautiful practice. The body movement, the power of breath, the open heart space, the tranquil mind…. It has shifted me. Find you version of yoga (be it running, cooking, reading, making delicious lattes…) and feel the shift.
10) And finally, I sit here and ponder the next 30 day challenge? I feel invigorated, confident and excited with my heart wide open ready to commit to something inspiring – what will it be?
Press Play: Fun TED talk about 30 day challenges: HERE
What is something new you have wanted to try that you could commit to for 30 days?
Heart Wide Open.
What are you waiting for?
Filed under Adventures, Goals, Self Love, Yoga
Since taking yoga teacher training two years ago, I have found that I expect more from myself – almost as if the knowledge of those amazing 200 hours should really just go ahead and spawn into my muscles and boom bang, open hamstrings.
Well, it doesn’t work that way. #reality
So, I found myself on the mat today in Crescent Pose, a strong and heart-opening movement that looks like a deep lunge. As I adjust and re-adjust, I realize that my body does not want to go very deep today. If maybe I tweak my hip to the right just a bit….no. Or perhaps pull the left hip back and in a bit more….oh that’s not good. Hey breath, where are you? Am I breathing?
I come fully out of the pose, align my body, pause and move with my breath. It is clear, I cannot and will not go any deeper on this day. My front leg is barely in a lunge and my back leg is bent to allow my tailbone to tuck, my hip points aligned, my lower back open, my hip flexor opens across the entire front of my leg, and I continue to breathe. Mindful not to judge or compare myself to the dude next to me in what seems like a Level 4 pose, I stay right here, right where I need to be.
What I realize in this moment is that when I try to look good on my mat, push deeper in a pose than my body actually can, prove myself to no one that is paying attention – it doesn’t feel good. At all. And I believe yoga should feel good, really good.
However, I find that when I breathe into the movement, into the pose that is less advanced in comparison to my Gumby neighbor in his Level 4 (reminder: comparison kills), I actually begin to open even more – my body thanks me with more access to big, beautiful breath, more (heart)space and the ability to surrender to where my beautiful body is in this moment, right here, right now.
Interesting.
What if I just live my life that way – present and patient, feeling really good? Not pushing to prove myself, not trying to catch up with him or her, and not going deeper here or there. Really and truly allowing myself to breathe in each moment, open my heart more and truly surrender to where my beautiful life is in this moment, right here, right now.
Interesting.
Lesson: Stop looking good and start feeling good. Get in your body.
Boom.
Similar but different: Lesson Learned in Yoga (Part I), Mind Where You Matter, Drop Me in the Water
Filed under Possibility, Present, Self Love, Yoga
If I had one request to all human beings, I would ask people to do what they love every day.
I really do feel we all have purpose. And, I really do feel that it is our job to find out what it is, live it, love it and share it.
And if somehow I was given one more request, I would ask people to love themselves more.
I say, go ahead and forgive whatever it is that might be holding you back from the abundance of self-love. Yes, right now. And then gently recognize that it is you that is holding you back from yourself. So then, go ahead and forgive yourself. Yes, right now. Then realize you are beautiful in all your successes, in all your failures, in all your life and love the you that is so you.
And in that space of purpose and abundant love, you will come alive. Light up, light up. And I speak for the World when I say, I cannot wait to meet you and bask in your shine.
Beautiful.
Filed under Goals, Happiness, Possibility, Self Love
Some days you are in a radical funk,
Your heart feels like a ship that is sunk.
“Why do I feel stuck in the mud”, you may ponder?
“I just don’t feel like myself, my heart is in wander”.
But where to? You dont know.
Thus, in the funk, you continue to flow.
You must never forget, there is always, always a choice.
Dig deeper and listen to a beautiful inner voice,
Reminding you to step out of the mud and create a new thought,
And untangle this self-created life knot.
Because it is in only you that can make the shift,
And then and only then, will your heart again lift.
So here I am, the stubborn 7 year old version of myself – knowing I should go say sorry for throwing sand and continue to play on the playground, but I don’t want to.
As you might recall, I went on Adventure: Aspen a couple of weeks ago, and I just have not been able to bounce back. I feel stressed from playing catch up (which should have been no surprise), I am seriously avoiding my practice (or any type of real sweating, for that matter), I think I am addicted to twitter/facebook/instagram/zite/newtumblraccount/iPhone, and I keep pressing play on episodes of Mad Men at 12am. Don Draper. Period.
I am literally choosing to reject all the things I love to do and instead, sitting in this mud of a funk space that is post-vacation-social-media-addict-catch-up-junkie-overacheiver-do-not-want-to routine.
Well, this evening I dragged myself to yoga and passed way out at the end of the class in Savasana (kudos to a phenomenal teacher). My favorite flannel shirt placed gently over my eyes, some amazing drums sequence bouncing from wall to wall within the space and breath like the Ocean waves, I woke up refreshed, smiling and finally feeling myself again.
Blissing out on my scooter ride home, I realized I really love myself in my yoga practice. I take care of my ever-moving brain, my home of a body, and my big heart. And, I am right where I am supposed to be. And it hit me, there are life triggers available to pull for your favorite life, the life you most love.
Here I have written down my Top 10 favorite-life, life-that-I-most-love triggers:
1) Jacki, get your @ss on that bold blue yoga mat. Breathe, take time, care for you and listen to life through the practice. #flow
2) Dog park trips sans iPhone. Unplug in the middle of the day, soak in the sunshine and love that Bear of a rescued puppy.
3) Peace rides on my Vespa Scooter. Honestly, I still just feel so cool on it.
4) Make epic sh*t happen and go on life adventures with Mister Chris Hynes. Know that your life rocks with this kind of love. Every. Single. Day.
5) Get in the bath tub. #practicewhatyourpreach
6) Run near the Ocean. Breathe it in and take a life pause.
7) Any type of piping hot drink in a big, round, colorful mug – preferably with whip cream. Outside. Daily.
8) Write down what you are grateful for. Then, actually be grateful. #actionsspeaklouder
9) I love flannel. Maybe, just maybe, I really am a hipster.
10) Setting goals with other people. I feel so juicy in this space, at any moment, at any time.
These are my triggers. I will pull them on the regular. And I’ll rock my favorite life! #triggerhappy
What are your life triggers?
#triggerhappy
Filed under Happiness, Possibility, Present, Self Love
Once I was roadtripping with some girlfriends out to Vegas and I got a phone call in regards to a job I had interviewed for, one of the many in my life that I did not get. In the midst of the call, the hiring manager asks me,
“So, what makes you so great? What sets you apart from all the other amazing people in this company?”
My mind blurred, did she just say that? I was appalled, astonished, hurt and well, really angry. On top of the ego twinge of rejection, now she is asking me what I am worth, who I am and what makes me amazing? Ugh, the nerve.
Looking back now, I laugh at myself as I did not have an answer. I don’t think I truly knew what made me great at that point in my life – or really, I don’t think I could voice it, speak to it confidently and truly own my strengths. I most likely stuttered, on the verge of tears in a rush to get off the phone and just said ‘okay’ as my final answer. No wonder I did not get the job. And, rightfully so. I wasn’t ready.
I know it sounds harsh, but it is really a radical question that we should all know the answer to within 2.7 seconds of someone asking us.
What really does make you so great?
What is it that lights you up, then lights others up and makes a difference?
Why you?
Why now?
Well, you better go find out…
Adventures for a Life You Love 