Tag Archives: present

Life Mode: Comparison

#truth

NOTE:  This very well might be written in permanent ink on my body one day.

To be real with you, I catch myself playing the comparison game more than I would like.  And I realize in this life mode of comparison, I can seemingly drift into a constrained sense of self.  There is an ignorance that literally blocks my own personality, my art, my ultimate creativity, my joy.  I feel stress, judgement, fear, self doubt, a little rage and I get aggressive.  Who is that?

You ever go there?

In these moments, I literally feel that I press the pause button on one epic soundtrack when I start comparing myself to another person.  You know at a wedding or at the end of the most awesome nights and the music stops and the lights come on and we are like, “‘No, play one more, please.  I’m not done yet!’.  Well, that is exactly what happens when you compare.  Music stops, party over and your life is like, wait, ‘I am so not done yet, turn that beat back on!’.

I have to remind myself to channel Teddy Roosevelt and realize that I am the thief of my own joy.  I have to feel it, own it, make a choice and stop, stop, stop comparing.  Recognize where I am now and know that I will get to where I want to go, once I can hear the music again.

Your turn.  Release the pause button.  Recognize where you are and know that you will get to where you want to go.

Press play.

Rock your life.  Your way.  Your time.  Your Joy.

All you.

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Filed under Possibility, Present

the Bear that Never Showed

On day 2 of our Adventure:  Colorado, Chris and I embarked on a hike called Fish Creek Falls Trail.  I would highly recommend if you are in Steamboat Springs, you follow the signs to this trailhead and rock it all the way to the top.

With that being said, I would NOT recommend the 10 mile hike in Vibrams.  Just a note to consider.

So, we were hiking the second half of the trek and it opens up into these vast meadows.  I remember I had an overwhelming fear rush over me.  It actually came in waves.  I would see a shadow of a low tree and literally think it was a Mountain Lion, or some lurking rock ahead, could there be a Bear behind it?  What is that moving over there?  Oh, it is a deer.  Well then, maybe there is a larger beast waiting to attack it?  My eyes scan the meadow.  I looked behind me and far in front of me.  My heart beat sped up and my blood ran way too hot in the body.

I would catch myself in and out of these fear dazes.  Creating my own mirage of wildlife and my plan of attack.

Instead of breathing in lush, green meadows, listening to the rushing creek next to the trailhead, or experiencing the trees expanding into bright greens against blue skies, I only saw shadows

And then, I realized, I am not here.  I am not here on this mountain, in this moment.  In these fear dazes, I am so far away from being present and lost in a World of thoughts and what if’s.  I am so absolutely scared of something that is not even there.  I am literally freaking out over nothing.

I thought to myself, am I the only one looking for this Bear that will never show?

Why do I do this?

Snap out of it and get real!  Look around!

Hike lesson:   I see now that there are times I walk around, hike around, run around this life so scared of a metaphorical Bear that will never show.  I find myself all up in my head space creating some reality that is fear-based, not present, and really stressful.  I realize I actually completely miss what is beautifully unfolding right in front of me…all the time.

Why do I do this?

Just stop.

Let’s practice being in the now.

Clear the fear.  Take a look at the radical, most epic life unfolding right in front of you and channel there.

Channel the real.

Beautiful.

NOTE:  We saw one deer, some bugs and chipmunks the entire 10 miles.

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Filed under Adventures, Present

Adventure: Lesson Learned in Yoga, Part II

Since taking yoga teacher training two years ago, I have found that I expect more from myself – almost as if the knowledge of those amazing 200 hours should really just go ahead and spawn into my muscles and boom bang, open hamstrings.

Well, it doesn’t work that way.  #reality

So, I found myself on the mat today in Crescent Pose, a strong and heart-opening movement that looks like a deep lunge.  As I adjust and re-adjust, I realize that my body does not want to go very deep today.  If maybe I tweak my hip to the right just a bit….no.  Or perhaps pull the left hip back and in a bit more….oh that’s not good.  Hey breath, where are you?   Am I breathing?

I come fully out of the pose, align my body, pause and move with my breath.   It is clear, I cannot and will not go any deeper on this day.  My front leg is barely in a lunge and my back leg is bent to allow my tailbone to tuck, my hip points aligned, my lower back open, my hip flexor opens across the entire front of my leg, and I continue to breathe.  Mindful not to judge or compare myself to the dude next to me in what seems like a Level 4 pose, I stay right here, right where I need to be.

What I realize in this moment is that when I try to look good on my mat, push deeper in a pose than my body actually can, prove myself to no one that is paying attention  – it doesn’t feel good.  At all.  And I believe yoga should feel good, really good.

However, I find that when I breathe into the movement, into the pose that is less advanced in comparison to my Gumby neighbor in his Level 4 (reminder:  comparison kills), I actually begin to open even more – my body thanks me with more access to big, beautiful breath, more (heart)space and the ability to surrender to where my beautiful body is in this moment, right here, right now.

Interesting.

What if I just live my life that way – present and patient, feeling really good?  Not pushing to prove myself, not trying to catch up with him or her, and not going deeper here or there.  Really and truly allowing myself to breathe in each moment, open my heart more and truly surrender to where my beautiful life is in this moment, right here, right now.

Interesting.

Lesson:  Stop looking good and start feeling good.  Get in your body.

Boom.

Similar but different:  Lesson Learned in Yoga (Part I), Mind Where You Matter, Drop Me in the Water

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Filed under Possibility, Present, Self Love, Yoga

…and door knobs.

11:01am:  I walk into my yoga class one minute late today.  I am short of breath from the jog from the parking garage, rushing up the flight of stairs to the yoga space and slightly annoyed that I might be disrupting the beautiful beginning.  Yet, I am met with a warm greeting from a lovely teacher.  One of those, “I am so glad you are here” type greetings, that just allows you to feel amazing and forgives your tardy entrance.   I unroll my mat smiling.

1:03pm:  After class, I float to a nearby store and phone my amazing Mother.  We chat and as if we are shopping together, I send her pictures via text of a purse in two different patterns for her opinion.  Which one do I need?  She says, go spend your money on adventure and hit the thrift stores for something awesome. Great advice.   I walk out with only 2 new door knobs, smiling.

1:32pm:  I walk to my Vespa and I pull out of the parking garage, only to hear my name being greeted again by a radical man on his bike zooming by – oh snap, my yoga teacher of all teachers, my teacher trainer.  I absolutely love chance meetings with people I love!  I scoot the scooter over to the edge of the curb and he pulls his bike over and we chat for 27 minutes, sharing ideas and lives.  We part and I pull away to head home, smiling.

2:17pm  I unlock the door to my apartment and find the dog jumping, tail wagging and smiling up at me and my phone is ringing.  My sweet boyfriend checking up on me, I pick up and ask where he is.  He peeks out from behind the bathroom door.  Sneaky.  More smiling.

Yoga love.  Family wisdom.  Chance meetings with friends on bikes.  Dog smiles.  Hidden lovers.  And, Door Knobs.

Thank you to those who made me smile about the little things in life today.  Is this what being present feels like?

I say, when life makes you smile, smile back.

Smiling...

Now, you go be a smile for someone today!  You just never know…they might be writing about you right now….

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Filed under Gratitude, Happiness, Love