Tag Archives: choice

Misconstrued Moment of Me, Me, Me

A story about self-indulgence and not being present.

I flew home back to LA last night from holidays in Houston with my family.  My plane was slightly delayed and I had checked baggage, which I will tell you over and over again, never check bags to LAX.  It takes forever.

Anyways, I finally arrive home last night to my sweet and quaint apartment in Venice with my dog and boyfriend waiting for me at the front door.  They help this weary holiday traveler with luggage, much needed hugs and a momentary shared happiness to be home.

And then I spiraled.  I came in pretty charged from a long flight, conversations rambling in my head about some drama and a need to complain.   Oh, and complain I did for about an hour too long to my patient and sleepy boyfriend.

In waking up this morning, I am in utter awe and really sad as to what I missed last night amidst my bullsh*t complaining and lame vent session. 

It goes like this:

+  I missed out on how clean the house was when I walked in.  Eat-food-off-the-floor clean.

+ I missed out on the smell of a clean puppy, as my boyfriend had given him a bath earlier that day.

+ I missed out on the empty laundry basket and the fresh sheets I got to climb into.  Even worse, Chris had waited to pull back the sheets so we could climb into the Mountain Fresh fabric softener smell together.  Dear boyfriends of the World, are you taking notes?

+ I missed out on a full fridge stocked with delicious snacks for my work day the next day.  Sweetheart, thank you for the bacon.  I love you.

+ I missed out on showering my boyfriend with kisses and love, as I really had missed him for the 2 days we were apart.

+  I missed out on seriously praising and honestly thanking and appreciating this superman of a boyfriend for bathing the dog, cleaning the house, grocery shopping and finishing the laundry.  All of this for my arrival home.  Come on, self.

You see where I am going here?  I missed out on an epic life moment because I was too busy complaining about yesterday’s nothings.

Raise your hand if this feels somewhat oddly familiar?

How many times have we been so wrapped up in a petty yesterday’s nothing to miss what is happening right here and now?

We have choice.  We have the choice to get over it and see others.  See others beyond our own misconstrued moments of me, me, me.

Choose wisely, my friends.  Never too late to say thank you, I love you, I see you.

I’m talking to you, Mister.

Thankful for You.

 

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Filed under Gratitude, Present, Relationship

Believe Harder

I woke up this morning in Maui.

I wish you were here.

Yes, you.

The sweet smell of salt air and the sound of crashing waves sneak in the open windows.  I am surrounded by a Canadian tribe of radical people up to really big, amazing lives rocking human impact.  And, I have a bit of a hangover due to over-celebration of an uber athlete of a friend crushing her goals and rocking the Ironman World Championship in Kona.

It is a beautiful life.

And, I have a hard time believing this is my life, that I deserve this, that I am really here.

Believe harder, I tell myself.

Believe harder and own these moments of absolute gratitude, love and joy to be alive.  So alive.

Believe harder so you can stop asking if it is really real and actually be in the present moment.

Believe harder and know that you attract and you choose this life.  Own it.  Be it. Rock it.

Wow.

I so wish you were here.

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Filed under Goals, Gratitude, Present

Semantics: I’m Sorry

As you know, words create our reality. Truth or truth?

I have a friend that is one of those apologizers, you know the ones that say ‘I’m sorry’ to everything. You have one or two of these friends in your life, too? Oh, you live in Canada and it is part of your national heritage, eh? Sorry is a game you played in your childhood? Me too.

In most cases, when we say ” I am sorry”, it socially means:

sor·ry

adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est

1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I’m sorry I’m late.

2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.

3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.

So in short, you are aware and recognizing something you have done wrong or unfair, and using a simple word in the English language to openly accept the wrong, start a conversation, and/or make it right.

I am down with that.

However, what I am not down with is ‘I’m sorry’ for a good-bye, a thank you or simply a word filler.

Listen, listen, listen to you how you speak.  Check in:  Are you apologizing for living a ridiculously rad life?  Are you apologizing for being honest?  Are you really sorry for being awesome?  Let’s see here, are you really sorry or are you thankful?  Are you sorry or are you feeling like you do not deserve it?

Let’s get real.  Define it.  And, own it.

Get in choice around your words. Stop apologizing for being you.

Stop now.

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Filed under Possibility, Present

Want vs. Need

I have been contemplating the words:  want versus need in my life.  I go to the obvious, I need food, water, air, some type of shelter.  These are real needs.  And, when I look at what I want in this life, I want love, family, travel, dessert, a log cabin…

When I dig deep in the want and the need, I see where there is choice.  There is always choice in the want.  I want to have a boyfriend, I want to own a dog, I want those new pair of TOMS….  If you were to ever ask if these were a need, the answer would be ‘no’.

What?  You don’t need your boyfriend?  You don’t love him?

Now, wait.   I did not say that.

When it comes to love, I never want to feel stuck, obligated and/or pigeon-holed.  I wake up every morning in choice and know that I choose with everything I have, to love my man, every single day.  I choose to walk the dog and pick up his poop in green, scented bags, every single day.  Because I want this life.  I choose this life, today.

When the boyfriend, the dog or some material item become a need, I am no longer in choice.  I have given up all control over decision-making, how I feel in each moment and what is possible today, now, or tomorrow.

Do you feel me on this?

It is a shift in language.  It is a shift in thinking.  It is shift in how you rock your life.

What do you really want?  Make it a choice. Every single day.

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Filed under Love, Present

Sir, err, I mean Ma’am

As you may recall, I rocked out Adventure: Locks of Love in March of this year.  I went for the full chop of over 10+ inches and embarked on life with a pixie cut.  As  channel David Bowie and sing Ch-ch-changes in my head, it has been fun to rock super short and a bit edge-y hair.With that being said, I have had some radical battles with the good ol’ ego.  Most commonly in instances when people have mistaken me for a dude.  I know, no big deal.  But some times, when your head is down and you decided to rock a T-shirt and jeans that day and the waiter walks up to the table and says, “Hello sir, what can I get you ….errr … today?  Shit sorry…” or the girl at the bar that saw me standing in front of my boyfriend and dancing a bit with his arms around me and I overhear her tap on his shoulder and say, “O M G, I am so proud of you guys!  Way to go.  My brother is gay and I just think it is awesome”, as he tries to shut her up before I hear her visual fail.

It happens.

And usually, it is totally fine.  I laugh it off and reach for my lip gloss.

But, what about when you are just a little too tired?  Or, what about when you already had a hard enough time getting the hair in the back to stay down so you don’t look like a character out of Little Rascals?  Or, when it happens twice in one day?

I step into this space questioning my choice to cut my hair, my choice of the more so androgynous outfit that day or check out my facial features and wonder if I really do look like a boy?  I know, silly space to walk into.  Definitely a wrong turn but the ego starts driving faster and faster and I just spiral down.

Been there before?

What do we do here?  What do you do to bring yourself back to reality?  How do we realize it is a simple mistake and nothing personal?

Nothing personal, unless you want it to be.  Unless you want to stare in front of that mirror for a minute too long or throw on that extra layer of lip gloss shimmer…

Here it is:  Words are powerful, my friends.  However, I would like to take this moment to remind you, that YOU, yes you, have the power.  You give the words power and you take it away.  Oh yes, all you.

I can choose to hear the ‘sir’ as a simple mistake.  I can choose to know that I don’t look like a boy and that some times, I feel like a rock star with my short hair.  Fine, more often than not, I feel like a rock star.  And, I can choose to say to myself “hey you, get over your vain self”, and laugh it off and be a freakin’ powerhouse – own the words!

Make the choice.  It is all you.  All you.

Beautiful choices.

Sir?

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Filed under Happiness, Present, Self Love

Hug Me into a Life Check

Flashback story:  I was working in Santa Monica, riding my cute beach cruiser the 12 minutes from my apartment door to work every day.  I had recently ended my lease and given up four wheels for two, in order to save money and go green.  After about a month of bike bliss, I was transferred (laterally) to work at the Beverly Hills store.   I tried the bike to work thing and it was over 8 miles up hill on a 1 speedncruiser.  I was a sweaty, hot mess upon arrival, exauhsted and grumpy.  No thanks.  Enter, adventures on the LA bus system.

So there I was one day at the bus stop, miserable, feeling bad for poor little me and being really snobby about riding a bus.  Feeling shitty about my new life space, feeling annoyed that the bus was taking so long and even more frustrated that I had not been promoted, I had embarked on a full on ego rage, if you will.  As I am waiting at the bus stop, this homeless woman in maroon sequins pants, an oversized white t-shirt on backwards and her shopping cart rolls up next to me.  She smells something fierce and her eyes looked tired, yet curious.   I peer down the road to avoid conversation, no bus.  So she strikes up a convresation about water bottle treasures and fashion trends for a good amount of time.  She asks me for money and I decline, being honest that the quarters I have are getting me to work.  She understands.  And then all of a sudden, she leans in real close and asks me if she can have a hug?

Up close and personal, the smell is suffocating and I somehow get out a yes and lean into her for a nice quick squeeze.  She wraps one arm around me, as I realize the other arm doesn’t seem to be mobile.  She doesn’t let go for a long time.  She finally backs away and thanks me sincerely and the bus arrives.  She waves as I hop on and we never cross paths again.

Looking back now, that woman in the maroon sequence pants with her shopping cart saved me that day.

She reminded me there is more to life than being shitty about a promotion that never was or a lengthy commute.  She reminded me that the human embrace matters, all the time.  She reminded me to get the hell over myself and make a choice to get back to living the great life that I have.  Right now.  She reminded me to smile and be grateful.

From meeting that woman, I actually started my first blog called Snob on a Bus, tracking my life adventures and chance meetings on the city bus system in Los Angeles.  I committed to the Beverly Hills team and evolved as a leader and human being.  Go figure, I was promoted shortly thereafter.  I was featured on the front page of the LA Times for said blog and became a writer.  And somehow, in this short time frame, I fell in love with my boyfriend and created a beautiful life.

So perhaps, this is my thank you, dear sequins-wearing bag lady at the bus stop on Lincoln and Ocean Park.  Thank you for the bold request you made in a hug.  Thank you for holding on a bit longer and hugging me into a life check.  Thank you for reminding me to get over myself, and re-commit to this life and stop being angry about the yesterdays.

I say, get real today, get into the now and be in wonder about what might be right around the corner for you.  Take a minute to get present and hug someone.

Go find your bag lady and make a choice.

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Filed under Adventures, Gratitude, Possibility, Present

I See You

I have listened to Alexi Murdoch’s “Orange Sky” song probably over 437 times since I first heard his mellow jams in 2009. Different stages of my life chapters have allowed for this particular song to have different meanings:

I remember playing this song on repeat out of my stereo in bed with my boyfriend (long distance at the time) when he would come to visit me from Chicago to LA. It was a love song for love.

I remember crying in yoga class when the song played, feeling deeply moved on the mat for a reason unknown. It was a love song for the love of myself.

And, I always love when he speaks about the sister standing by – because I have sisters and they stand by. A love song for family love.

My absolute favorite part of the song is when it picks up at about the 4:13 marker and he sings:

Here is what I know now, Brother

Here is what I know now, Sister, goes like this:

In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

my salvation lies In your love,

in your love,

in your love

your love, now.

Going deep, hang tight with me, people. Because in this life chapter right now, the love song is to you.

Listening to the song this evening, I feel a jolt and connect and re-align to my deeply rooted life purpose. I realize that my salvation, my favorite and most self-expressed experiences, my ability to do less and be more, the light-my-amazing-life-on-fire-feel-so-alive moments, are in the conversations with you… with you creating a life you love. When you, yes you, love yourself. When you connect and align to the most real and truest heart space. When you dare to step outside of your comfort zone and make a choice to reach way out, rock hard and set your amazing life on fire. And, when you love yourself enough to create something radical and realize that when you do, you are of most service to the World.

I see you.

You inspire me.

And, I boldly wanted to let you know, that in your love, my salvation lies in your love. In your love. In your love. Now.

So, carry on and create a life you love.

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Filed under Happiness, Love, Self Love